Ineffable Ontological Detanglement > Fetish

Some of you are capable of the appreciation of cuteness to the point you wish to hug the animal with absolutely unresolvable feelings, you cannot squeeze this animal tight enough to express how much you wuv kitty. Pushing further, you may realize you kind of want to merge with the animal. If this is you, at certain points in your life, you may have noticed some ever so slight activity down there one in three hundred times you look at a cute animal or think about a cute animal. You possess the ever so slight hint level of furry. You're not going to do anything with it, but you could probably humour somebody who does want to do something with it so long as they do it in the manner that is not silly nonsense sex or overboard what the hell are we doing.

Eventually, yes, you can in fact hug kitty until you become kitty. And once you are kitty, you have sex with the other kitties.

But, by adulthood you really shouldn't want to have sex with the literal cat. You just want to play with your feelings.

In living the double life of a fragmented self aesthetically unappealing animal, you are twisting the psychology of your primary self. Every second of every day, you know it's possible one of your co-workers will become aware of the fact that you are a penis diddling stuffed animal within a community of hundreds of other anonymous penis diddling stuffed animals. What you're taking in in these moments, whether or not you are fully consciously aware, is that you are in fact a penis diddling stuffed animal. That person, that's you. You're the penis diddling stuffed animal.

"Well, I was a weird child anyway, I'm already this far off, in my teenage years... I may as well lock myself into 'I was a weird child anyway' until retirement age. No escape. This is what I did."

The psychological twisting of furry is self evident within the aesthetical choices. With furry porn, the angles of the lumps in the drawings, the way in which the faces are presented, it is clearly evident to all, artist or not, the uniform dementing of the psyche of anybody who chooses to engage with their furry in this manner. I'm not studying this carefully for you, I'm leaving that up to our team of devoted, I've had enough furry porn thrown in my face on internet message boards in the early 2000s I don't need to go looking this up for science.

You don't need to engage with furry in this manner, this isn't what you're supposed to do with the fetish. What you're supposed to do with the fetish is curiously fantasize about gently molesting your cat once or twice as a child, realize you're being a little fucked up, carry into adulthood your fetish and begin having sex with humans who have fully visible human faces wearing cat make up and cat ears or something. Preferably not full cat makeup, you're drifting into the furry porn territory.

Yes, it's... Reinforced by... Little semi-conscious memory repression windows of you molesting your cats in childhood. That's how the grey matter gets pushed into proper furry. It doesn't matter you don't remember anything, the cat's happy.

Before this story, you'll need this little story right here.

The psychological establishment figured maybe I'd like putting in some volunteer hours, you get more money, yeah sounds good. I like... Cat shelters. I guess. What is there within cat shelters? I told my mother I was looking around for cat shelters. She's all... I heard about this place, here it's in the newspaper. This crazy cat lady used to feed a bunch of cats in her neighbourhood, take them in, now she has an underground no-kill shelter. Hm. Well, the specification of... Underground. That's always enticing. I don't know if I support the idea of bringing cats into your home to cage them that sounds all fucked up. I'll look into. I see... Takes them in for a moment, spayed or neutered. Often released, not always released. The idea is not... Protect the cats. The idea is get the cats off the street. Why do I feel... ethereal implications. She knows people like killing these cats, just for sport. She suspects there's... Two people. Two people who are the king or queen of this fetish. There it goes.

I like this lady, I don't think you people get her. Yeah she's a loon, yeah she's a hardass, you embrace the loon you get her good side. She's always talking about the cuteness of the cats butts, bringing the conversation towards the cats butts, always the cats butts non-stop cat's butts. I gave her the cute funny "What the fuck are you doing?" look with a giggle. She knows that means she's safe, I know what it is I do the proper psychology. It's fine, animal cuteness. You take it too far. Furry.

When we moved to the new place, I met Julie. Oh, cognitive functioning level three. This place is a karmatic collection point, this one is going to be interesting. This... Lady... Is going to die... By my order. You don't like it. Goodbye. The moment she fell in love with me was the moment I stated in the smoking area "If I were Donald Trump I would kill myself. I don't understand why Trump hasn't killed himself. It makes absolutely no sense according to my understanding of psychology." We had a lot of good conversations, she went a little too far into the hard laugh track, I like a little light laugh track but she would take it too far. It's appreciated. I'm getting uncomfortable. She would say you're always calling yourself fat, you're in no way fat, I was way fatter I wouldn't even have called myself fat. But she understood, NO, if it isn't the flattest of skinny I am fat, this isn't how I'm supposed to look something is going wrong. She got it, but, she still thought we could close face imply almost half sex moment in one of the closed off cat rooms. I basically gave her an... Obviously I would, but, we've been over this.

Crazy cat lady would have conversations with me regarding her plan. We're all working together, us underground cat shelters, get every single cat off the street, then the humane society has nobody to euthanize anymore, they lose all their funding. Hm. Respect. I bet you don't hear that a lot. Respect. Too bad you go too far into crazy, NO Julie told me, nobody fucking walked in and stole anything because nobody was manning the front, that one is too much you've said too much I have to lose a little sight of you. OH NOW I GET IT, well I've already flashed you the face... Whatever the cost. I get it. You don't care how you look to anybody, keep it in line no matter the cost. At this point... My little memory repression problem had reached a new apex. A lot of my awareness had been cut off. It's actually a really good karmatic trigger idea, everybody who leaves this place knows... Don't reveal the name of the shelter, she's a nice lady, don't hurt the cats. Yeah don't even try to look it up, don't even try, she's a nice lady. You made it this far you're fine, anybody nefarious comes in here they'll be taken care of.

Another hot cognitive functioning level three lady came and started volunteering here. We started having conversations, she said the way in which you express with your body language, you know what you're doing to the point of high empath, but I see you're only like mid empath. And yet you know how to communicate so much in a look, I... You went all the way to death fetish with me in a look, you went all the way to I know you see every angle of this in a look, you went all the way to I know you're analyzing my every little movement and facial expression in a look, one little flash look. What's your secret who are you? I gave her "You know there's something happening in this city, you know I know way more than you do" in a single flash look and watched her repress the memory. UH OH, she's gonna know too much, she's especially gonna know too much about how Kit Carruthers looks on antipsychotics. Okay we're playin' a game. Empaths. You're always implying you're not supposed to be this fat, obviously something happened, you don't seem like the type who would just let this happen, what happened? Incorrect medication. Repress repress repress repress. When you said... It was... Why you left your job, what was it? General laid off for misbehavior or some such. Okay that one had deeper than CIA level secret agent secrets all the way to imperceivable levels of metaphysical repress repress repress repress it had I know what I'm doing you're brainwashed repress repress repress repress.

By the end all she could really do was sit there wide eyed happy awe at my every word with people, giggling at everybody with me, attempting to speak to me and squeaking away. We had two little conversations after this... That guy Julie is dating is obviously a pedophile, what is she doing? That's not how you do it with our level of cognitive functioning how do either of them do that? What is she doing? Yes, I saw it too.

Julie eventually contacts me, she wants to show me her boudoir photos. Oh, well, now I get to show her something, here look at my social media that's my face that's my normal face. I told her you really have something here, a certain damaged beauty, I think I could bring out a lot more of it than you could when I begin doing model photography, here's some of my photography here on my Instagram. She fell into blissful happiness, until I had to hit the cut... You know a little too much now, I'm sorry, I have to cut you off. She fell into cocaine wretchedness. I went back to the shelter for a Christmas party, hoping to see her, hoping to speak to her... She wanted to smoke some weed. Aaahh... My parents are planning on... Picking me up. I have PTSD. They'll take any excuse to call it drugs schizophrenia and destroy the planet. Also I have PTSD. I'm better off leaving it. I want to speak to you though... You're so unavailable, you were one of my favourite aspects of coming here. Hm.

My cat develops a marking his territory problem when he's frightened now, he seems to have become incredibly frightened. My mother emphasizes senility, my mother states we're going to need to have him put down, this cannot stand this is horrible. My father and I go through an intense process of attempting to get around her automatic self referential cognition undeniable declaral. She's becoming outraged at the both of us, especially me. She yells... WHY are you so horrible to me!? You are always SHUTTING ME DOWN, you NEVER LET ME EXPLAIN MY SIDE OF IT, because you ALWAYS know I am in the RIGHT and that's why you REFUSE to hear it. I REFUSE TO BE THE BAD GUY ON THIS, you're ALWAYS painting me as the BAD GUY, it's a MANIPULATION. Eventually we got her down to... We'll construct a big wooden cage with the bendy plastic fencing in the basement here, he'll have less territory to cover, he'll feel safer, we'll spend as much time as we can in the basement and let him know it's safe to wander around the basement area and only the basement area when we're around, he can sit on our laps, he'll be fine, he can live out his last few years this way. It took about an hour or so of convincing her to let us attempt it. The entire time we were putting it together she jumped every opportunity to say SEE you can't do it you don't what you're doing you need to STOP, you need to GIVE IT UP. Eventually after a few hours we have it perfect. He's fine, he lives another four years, eventually we move to Steinbach and he just... Hides in his little area most of the time, comes out and explores sometimes, after the other one had already succumbed to his liver issues that I deem would not have happened had we not established that he gets to eat table food from a young age, I didn't realize it also probably had a lot to do with the fact that my mother looks for any opportunity to declare a cat annoying, rape them half to death, beat the shit out of them, and then leave them with me. For the record... Even, just... Finding somebody else who would be willing to deal with this problem is preferable to murdering the cat.

It was... I was coming in to volunteer from Steinbach now, I don't have a car... My mother would just... Drive me. Go shopping. Sit in the car and build a compartmentalization process over how much I make her suffer. I couldn't keep up with my previous volunteer hours. I get it. No matter the cost. I may have jumped down your throat I don't remember. I GET IT. Did you get it? I don't know if you got it, you probably got it later. Obviously I like coming here, I don't love coming here but I like coming here. It's better than Steinbach.

Then, the movement hijackers tell me one day, we'll put anybody in your life in our club you know, if that's what you want. Oh yeah? Oh, Julie... Julie had promise, she's more useful than you delusional idiots, go find Julie. Well, she's in, she hates them too, she isolated from them, but, she's in. Sad. But, in. I had to hit the close, I had to take out every one of them who doesn't serve a purpose... Shit. Julie. I can't... I can't go saying except Julie, with this one I had an interpersonal relationship and I liked her. That is not the nature of grand action, I'd never be able to live with my image. Hm. Her last request was... Can you kill Jessie too? He's full white van pedophile. OH REALLY, well, you got it, last wish coming up. One of the last things she said to me was... Did you? Did you masturbate to my boudoir photos? I said... Well, that was the plan, but, I never got around to it.

Neat. That was a good way to gain a sexual sophistication imprting, mass horror authoritarian male imprinting, artist imprinting. That's a good one. Thanks Julie. That was... Two death fetish princess enter the karmatic selection process, one exists, one knew what to do with raped so many times you want to rape men back, one didn't. Apparently she was... Done with life, sucked at life too hard. She didn't care anymore. I don't get to do anything with that, I don't get to have that. But. Apparently it comforts you people.